Dear Diary,
I woke up the day after inauguration feeling like I had been through a war. The bottoms of my feet were sore, my shoulders were aching and my eyes were heavy from the tears that poured all night long. It was the Morning After. Although I had just partied to Marvin Gaye and re-dedicated myself to the struggle and my own liberation as a woman, I needed a pill to ease the pain; to ease the surprise. As I poured my Honey Nut Cheerios and kept my eyes glued to CNN, I realized how amazing it would be to have a morning after ( The Re-dedication) Pill. You know what I mean by The Morning After Pill? The "Plan B" pill that will calm all fears and make a women feel powerful because of her options; her choice. Well Lord knows that this morning I needed a choice! I was exhausted and anxious to see what this new day was going to bring. Of course I knew I was going to work with my students, but I was nervous about the new era we had just entered and where I fit in. Better yet where did my girls , the future of this nation, fit in?
Then, like Diana Ross in Lady Sings the Blues and the Wiz( Honey, Afro wig and sequence gowns included!), I felt myself caught up in a daze that made me as nervous as a young women who had unprotected sex with a man she barely knew.
When i opened my eyes I wasn't in my apartment anymore... I was in the free clinic. The walls were painted the color of healthy regret. The carpet was stained with red roses, just in case the clients have never received them from their fathers. On the wall was a lovely picture of Dr. Jill Biden and Mrs. Obama. To my left were pictures of the late Dr. Betty Shabazz and Hillary Clinton. I felt surrounded by powerful women yet alone. There I was pregnant with possibility, yet preparing to get an abortion.
I had the choice.
I was choosing to abort my destiny before it even had the chance. I was in shock. I never intended to get pregnant with so much potential. I was trying to stay below the radar,trying to fit in. So I covered up my struggles with weave and MAC make-up. I got in relationships with men and allowed them to expose my body to diseases, never expecting them to do so. I remember how I felt the morning after... the morning after I realized that I couldn't use those things to cover up my budding greatness. Body, mind, and spirit of laziness was aching. Now, I sit here pregnant with a vision that can't be denied, but I'm choosing to abort it.
If Only I Would Have Taken the Morning After Pill?
My fears would be calmed. I could go back to bed with complacency without using a rubber. it would be no mistake.... I knew exactly what I was doing. I would spend the $50 in currency but the priceless amount in self-respect and buy the pill. I would feel my hormones get out of whack and watch the blood gather between my legs even when it wasn't that time of the month. I had dodged the bullet. I had dodged my purpose. I had escaped myself. I was free from pain, right?
I realized that i was no longer in the clinic of my nightmares and that CNN was now watching me.
However, it got me thinking. How many young women today are aborting their visions to be mediocre? They get all excited about the change but aren't ready to put the necessary work in to bring that change to the surface. So... they make the choice to take the Morning After Pill to kill the shock; ease the apprehension that you may have about sacrificing for this next level. In worst case, those dreams, visions, and plans are aborted.
You have the choice....
LadyDiva, Just because you're family, friends, or peers choose to take short cuts doesn't mean you have to. Learn to take comfort in the discomfort of the struggle that is destiny.
So, I managed to leave the couch and get dressed for the day. Yes, I was still tired. Yes, I had no clue as to what God was going to do with my life, nor where he was going to take my young sisters all of the world. But, I was hopeful. I was audacious. I was willing to suffer for righteousness sake.
No Pills Necessary.
In Sisterly Love,
THELadyDiva
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