Dear Diary,
I am an avid watcher of the Mo'nique Show and have been a fan of hers since America called her a "coon". At the beginning of her show she always says that she has to get "something off of her spirit". I laugh because I have those moments too. You know... when the heat of God's direction sits on you like the heat of New Orleans in mid- July. I woke up at 3:52am this morning and I felt something on my spirit. It may have been because Mo'nique had just won an Oscar for one of the greatest movies ever made. Or, because I was tired; dare I say emotionally drained from the subject matter listed above. You know, even Mo'nique has them- HATERS.
I am NOT the kind of girl who seeks attention. In fact, I have a very hard time with getting it, even receiving a compliment. There is a HUGE part of me that is very shy and introverted. Yet, I am a performer. I am a stage baby. Sometimes I think people confuse the stage persona with the real person, but I am none of the things that people have labeled me as.
This year as Miss Black USA has been interesting. I feel like my little group of green people have been reduce to ONE BIG GREEN MONSTER. This monster has decided to make its weapon the Internet, using emails and technology to confront me as an opponent. I am not sure what I did, nor am I sure if the problem is me at all. This monster has been in existence for years! Every Miss Black USA or person who has been marked by God with greatness has had to deal with it. The monster's goal is obvious to me: I want to make Shayna ( Or you) look bad, so I can feel better about myself. I will convince myself that she is an awful person without EVER taking the time to get to know her. I will tell ANYONE who listens to me that she is not worthy of the title and then I will turn around and smile in her face. I will avoid communication with her because then I will be forced to confront my own issues. I will dig and find things on her and if I can't find anything I will CREATE negativity so that people will join in my movement to destroy the character of an innocent woman. I will make her promises that I can't keep. I will threaten her to make sure that she respects my power. And then, just so I can stay hidden from the public that has already rejected me- I will use my computer to tear her down.... especially when I know she is weak.
The truth is: Our BIG GREEN MONSTERS are about to be exposed!!!!!! They may try to hide behind computers, fancy dresses and titles, but this morning God told me to encourage you all because they can't hide forever.
God is in the business of exposing people. He exposed me enough to make it to Miss Black USA and he'll expose the BIG GREEN MONSTER'S in our lives for being so miserable and hurt that they can't celebrate the beauty of someone else.
My monster went from smiling and building me up to tearing me down every moment it is given to do so. Let's discuss what we can learn from my silly monster:
1. MY MONSTER is HUGE in insecurities but small in SELF-LOVE
2. MY MONSTER hides because in its mind the world will not accept it, thus it hates EVERY person that the world celebrates
3. MY MONSTER hides behind titles because they are its validation not occupation or vision. Thus, if you have a vision, MY MONSTER wants to come against it instead of asking you, how do I enhance my vision?
4. MY MONSTER IS LONELY, DEPRESSED, AN IMPOSTOR, AND IN NEED OF LOVE...
Huh???? You may be saying to yourself.
Yes, IN NEED OF LOVE!!!!!!
The truth about haters is that they need love. They don't love themselves so how on earth can they love you? They are their worst BIG HUGE GREEN MONSTERS in the dark. They tantalize themselves. So, the truth is we will be held accountable for what we know. Therefore, because you know the truth you must keep them in prayer. Much like Mo'niques character in "Precious" we hated her but she left us wondering, What happened to you in your life to make you want to hurt others?
PRAY FOR YOUR HATERS..... I know I do.
After all, just like Jesus needed Judas we need our haters in order to get to the next level.
So the next time they attack, look up to God and say- Thank you...
AND to my BIG HUGE GREEN MONSTER... I love you and there ain't nothing you can do about it!
I love you 4 real,
THELadyDiva
